i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
