worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
