You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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