I wanna bring you to show and tell
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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