You're a womanizer and a bitch.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
