The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
