I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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