I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
