soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
