Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize