he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
