I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
