Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
