Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
