Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
