I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
