Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
