Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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