She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
