Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
