last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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