Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize