I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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