You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
BRING THE BAGELS
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
