Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Randomize