no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
