You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
