Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
