Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
