your room smells of hookers.
And success
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize