as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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