Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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