just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
