Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
