South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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