thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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