this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
