i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
