you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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