this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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