there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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