wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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