his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Can I color on your dick again?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
