Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
