he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
