i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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