Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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