i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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