I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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