That's intense
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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