Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize