She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
This is the high leading the old right now
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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