you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
