i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
