Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
