lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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