Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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