we're chasing vodka with high fives
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
