Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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