my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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