Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
