There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
