Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Sorry about my life...
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
