It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
