I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
