Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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