$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
