you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
