...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
