Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
